


The Way Things Should Have Been.

by MajorWolfe



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 21:05:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorWolfe/pseuds/MajorWolfe
Summary: A little oneshot about what I think should have happened after Bernie accepted the secondment in Kiev.





	The Way Things Should Have Been.

**Author's Note:**

> I found this on my laptop yesterday, I obviously wrote it a while ago but never posted it, so you can have it now, better late than never right?

Serena was glad Jason wasn't in when she got home, glad she didn't need to pretend to be okay, she didn't have to go through the tedious monotony of his routine, she could simply crawl up the stairs and into her bed. Her lonely, empty bed. She didn't have to try and hide the tears she'd cried on the journey home. She just dumped her things in an untidy heap by the door and trudged up the staircase.   
  
She was such an idiot, she should have known Bernie wouldn't have decided to stay just for her, Bernie was a career woman, if she'd been happy to leave her own husband and children in the UK whilst she was off patching up wounded soldiers in various war zones then there was no chance she'd turn down a secondment in Ukraine for a middle aged woman who was questioning her sexuality.   
  
She should just have kept her mouth shut, not let Bernie know how she felt. At least then she could have kept it to herself, now, not only did Bernie know but so did the majority of the other staff members on the ward. Raf must have put two and two together. Why had she been so stupid?.   
  
She had no idea how long she laid there, curled into a ball on her bed as tears rolled silently down her cheeks but she noticed that the sky outside was a dusky pink when a loud knock on the front door startled her from her thoughts. She didn't move, Jason had a key and anyone else could wait, she wasn't in the mood for company. There was only one person she wanted to see right now and they'd already made it clear that that wouldn't happen.   
  
She ignored the second knock and the third but she couldn't ignore her phone as it vibrated in her pocket. She frowned at the device when, instead of seeing a message from Jason as she expected, the text on her screen was from Bernie, ' _ Please let me in x _ ' She didn't move, she couldn't bring herself to, she needed time, space to get herself back together, to be certain that she'd be strong enough to cope when Bernie came back to work on AAU.   
  
Serena was still holding her phone when it vibrated again, another text from Bernie, ' _ I'm not going to leave until I've spoken to you x _ ' quickly followed by two more messages, ' _ I've got Shiraz _ ', seconds later ‘ _ and pastries _ .’  She sighed, knowing that if Bernie said she wouldn’t leave she had two choices.  One, she went down and spoke to her, or two, she’d have to put up with interrogation from her neighbours over why Bernie spent the night camped on her doorstep. And whilst neither option seemed more appealing, at least one of them involved a bottle of Shiraz.

She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand before padding back down the stairs and silently opening the door, “you’ve been crying” Bernie said almost as soon as she saw Serena, her hand instinctively reaching out to wipe the tears Serena had missed.

“Yes, well…” Serena nudged Bernie’s hand away and wiped at her own tears, “are you coming in then, so you can say whatever you want to say and get off to Kiev?”

“Serena, I…”

“Not on the doorstep.” Serena stepped aside to let Bernie into the house, “I’ll get the glasses.”  Bernie nodded and slipped of her shoes as Serena headed into the kitchen, she placed them neatly under the coat rack before picking Serena’s coat from the floor, hanging it in it’s proper place and placing her shoes neatly where they belonged. “Are you coming through?” Serena asked when she came back a few moments later.

“Yeah” Bernie nodded, “I...yeah.”

Serena walked into the living room and put the glasses down on the coffee table, nodding in silent thanks as Bernie passed over the bottle of wine, “excuse me for being so blunt, but what is it you want?”

“To apologise. To explain…”

“Well go on then.”

I'm sorry if I hurt you, if you feel like I lead you on because that was never my intention, similarly I'm sorry if I made you think I don't have feelings towards you beyond those of friendship because I do, and if I'm honest with myself, I have done for a while."

"How long?" Serena interrupted.

"I can't say exactly but probably since I first came to work on AAU."

"That long?" Serena was shocked.

"You're a very special woman Serena Campbell."

"I sense a but coming."

"I'm still going to Kiev."

"Oh… Right."

“I think it will be beneficial for us both, I’d hate for us to rush into something and ruin both our friendship and our relationship, when I come back… And I will come back Serena, then, if you still feel the same way we can see how things go.”

“Can I call you? Or at least text?” Serena hated how she sounded like a desperate teenager

“Of course” Bernie nodded, reaching out to squeezed Serena’s hand, “and once I get settled somewhere, I’ll send you my address, we can be penpals” she joked.

“And you’ll come back?”

Bernie nodded, “My flight home is already booked.”

“Let me pick you up” Serena’s eyes met Bernie’s for the first time since she’d let her into the house, “from the airport, when you get home.”

Bernie nodded again, “I’ll send you the details when I get back to the flat.”

“Okay” Serena reached out to pick up her wine glass, sipping slowly at the crimson liquid, “you said you wanted to explain…” she prompted.

“Yes, I…” Bernie sighed as she tried to compose herself, “the idea of being in a relationship with you, with any woman, I guess it scares me.”

“But Alex…”

“She and I had to keep our relationship under wraps, had she not locummed at Holby then no one would ever have known she and I had been more than comrades.  I guess being in a relationship with you, it means I have to embrace a part of myself that I’ve always fought to hide away.”

“We don’t need to tell anyone” Serena said quickly.

“No” Bernie said softly, “if we do it then we do it properly, you’re not some dirty little secret, I’m not married anymore and there’s no workplace rules to say we can’t be in a relationship, this is completely different.”

“Have you spoken to Alex lately or…”

Bernie nodded, “I think we’re on the track to being friends again, nothing more, she’s in a new relationship and she’s happy, and me, I’ve got you.”

“And you’re happy?”

“Very much so.”

“And I can’t talk you out of going to Ukraine?”

“I’m afraid not.” Bernie gently stroked Serena’s cheek before passing over a gift bag Serena hadn’t noticed her bring in, “but open this when I’m gone” she said, “I think you’ll like it.”

Serena placed the bag on the floor by the sofa, “when do you leave?”

“First thing in the morning. I erm, I should probably go and pack.”

“Oh” Serena sighed, “could I at least kiss you goodbye?”

Bernie smiled, “I think I’d like that” she said, already leaning in to kiss Serena. 

Both women felt the spark when their lips met, Serena’s hands gently tangling in the hairs at the nape of Bernie’s neck, Bernie gently caressing Serena’s cheek. There was no denying they had ‘something’, “I miss you already” Serena admitted once their lips parted, their foreheads touching as Bernie pecked at her lips again.

“I’ll miss you too” Bernie smile, “but I’ll be back before you know it, so make the most of having a tidy office.”

Serena chuckled, even though her eyes were filling with tears again, “I think I’ll even miss your mess.”

“Give it a week and you won't even remember my name.”

“Who are you again?” Serena smiled weakly and Bernie laughed, running her thumb under Serena’s eyes to wipe away her tears.

“Back before you know it” Bernie promised.

“You should go” Serena said softly, “before I start clinging to your ankle, kicking and screaming, refusing to let you go.”

Bernie nodded, “okay” she said as she pecked Serena’s lips a final time.

“Will you text me tomorrow? Let me know you got there safely?”

Bernie nodded again, “of course, it’ll be about lunchtime here.”

“Right” Serena nodded as she stood to see Bernie out.

“Text me once you’re home tomorrow” Bernie said as she slipped her shoes back on, “I’ll give you a ring as soon as I can after I get your text.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

“Remember” Bernie stole a final kiss, “I’ll be back before you know it” she said, gently squeezing Serena’s hand before walking down the drive to her car, not looking back for fear that she’d not be able to leave.  She kept reminding herself she had to do this, she didn’t want to ruin things, she needed to be certain that this was what Serena wanted.

“I hope so” Serena whispered into the darkness, standing in the doorway until Bernie’s headlights disappeared from her view, in a way she knew Bernie was right, that both of them being certain of their feelings was the best way forward, but it didn’t stop her feeling like Bernie had driven off with a piece of her heart.

She locked the door and made her way back into the living room frowning when she saw a white box on the coffee table, she sat down in the exact place Bernie had been sitting just moments ago and opened the box, smiling when she saw the four Danish pastries it housed, they’d certainly come in useful in the morning once she’d finished the Shiraz Bernie had brought, and probably a second bottle too.

It was then she remembered the gift bag, Bernie had gone, that meant she could open it already right?  She peeled the tape from the top of the bag, frowning as she pulled out a shoe box sized box, ‘ _ Serena’s survival kit (part 2) _ ’ scrawled on the top in marker pen.  She chuckled to herself before lifting the lid from the box, laughing again as she saw a second bottle of Shiraz and a large box of chocolates on top of two messily wrapped items.  She opened the largest of the two first, the one with a tag that simply said  _ ‘look after this for me _ ’.   She had to blink back tears as she unwrapped Bernie’s own NHS hoodie, the soft grey fabric smelling exactly like the woman she was head over heels in love with.  She wrapped the hoodie around her shoulders and took the second item from the box, ‘ _ a little bedtime reading?’ _

Serena laughed sarcastically as she unwrapped a guide book, ‘the best things to see and do in Kiev’.  Bernie had to be joking right?  She sighed as she flicked through the pages before lazily throwing it back in the box, she wouldn’t be reading that!  She frowned slightly as something caught her eye and she took the book from the box again, retrieving a plain white envelope with her name written on the front.  She cautiously pulled out a card from the envelope, ignoring the sheets of folded white paper that fell onto her lap as she read the few words Bernie had written.

‘ _ Serena, I’ve taken the liberty of blagging a few days off in the middle of my secondment, for both of us.  I hope your passport’s up to date xx _ ’

Serena’s frown grew until she remembered the sheets of paper which she carefully unfolded, gasping as she realised they were flight details in her name for a 5 day trip to Kiev. Bernie had booked her time off to visit, and somehow, just knowing it wasn’t going to be quite so long until she saw the blonde again, lessened the aching in her chest.  She picked up the open bottle of Shiraz and poured herself another glass as she smiled slightly.  She still wasn’t going to read the guide book, if she was going to Kiev to see Bernie, then, if she had her way, Bernie was going to be all she saw!


End file.
